Acceptance is Liberating with Karlyn Percil
Are you scared to get into your own head? Too worried about what you’re going to find in there? Instead of sitting with your thoughts and being mindful when you’re alone, you reach for your phone, your headphones, a book. Any distraction that you can find to stop yourself from having to spend a little time within yourself. Well you know what, there’s probably a big ol’ elephant up in there, and if you don’t take the time to deal with it, then how do you expect to really grow?
At the recent Camp Dovetail event, I witnessed the powerhouse that is today’s guest, Karlyn Percil give a short but very impactful speech. The more I heard, the more I knew that I needed to have her on the Soul Compass podcast. As a survivor of child sexual abuse, bullying, depression & anxiety – Karlyn knows what it’s like to live in a dark place and for so long, she too avoided the elephant in the room. But the more she studied the brain, neuroplasticity and emotional intelligence, she realized that the only way to liberate herself from these traumas, was to accept them for what they were. Karlyn now accepts that all that has happened in her life has happened for her, not to her. A very important distinction to make, and in this conversation today, we talk about why.
SOME TOPICS WE COVER:
The Imposter syndrome complex - I am not worthy of where I am
Understanding what your elephant in the room is and how to deal with it
What is FONDI and FONBI
How shame thrives and how to avoid it
Why adulthood is just the unfinished business of childhood
What is authentic intelligence
Accepting your past traumas to heal and liberate yourself from negativity
Healing is not linear, there’s no timeline for it
Your trauma doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you
Karlyn: And based on the current climate of the life of the world that we're in right now, you're supposed to take all the data from your past, assess it for the life you're creating, and the legacy you're building, and then choose what comes with you, thank the rest for bringing you this far and to leave it where it is.
Vitina: Namaste and welcome, I'm Vitina Blumenthal and you're listening to the Soul Compass podcast. I'm here to help you find your inner calm and deepen your self-discovery journey. Take this moment and focus on yourself. For your mental health, your ability to find ease in your everyday life and your emotional well-being. It is so important that you nourish yourself not only physically but also emotionally and mentally. Here at Soul Compass, you'll learn practical tips from experts who will leave you with a sharper focus and a renewed commitment to yourself.
Hello and welcome to another Soul Compass episode. You know what, today I’m just going to stop the chit-chat at the beginning. We’re just going to dive in and do our three breath check-in before getting started with this episode. As always, if you’re new to the podcast, welcome. If you’re driving just sitting up tall, lengthening the spine. If you’re seated in a chair, uncrossing your legs and grounding the soles of the feet on to the earth. If you happen to be seated listening to this on the ground, find a comfortable cross-legged position. If it’s safe for you to do so, just resting the hands in your lap, drawing the shoulders down and away from your ears. Again, if it’s safe, closing your eyes.
First, tuning in. Just a little check in to see where you’re at energetically today.
Are you feeling really energised, overly stimulated, find a nice balance, or are you feeling a little depleted. And again, you're just being the observer of where you’re at. Checking in. No judgement here. No judgement zone.
Slowly letting that dissolve and just taking note of where you’re at mentally, emotionally, what’s going on.
Slowly allowing that to dissolve away.
Taking a deep, conscious inhale, in through the nose, expanding through the chest all the way to the belly. Pause. Exhale to let it go.
Taking another deep inhale in through the nose, expanding through the heart, all the way to your lower belly. Pause. Exhale to release.
Last time like this. Inhale. Pause. And as you exhale can you allow any tension in the face to relax and softening the jaw, the forehead. Just allowing the shoulders to rest, but continuing to reaching tall through the crown energising the spine. Whenever you’re ready you can gently flutter your eyes open.
And we’ll get started with this week’s episode.
Are you scared to get into your own head? You might be a little too worried about what you’re going to find in there? Instead of sitting with your thoughts and being mindful when you’re alone, you might have that tendency to reach for your phone, your headphones, or maybe a book. Any distraction that you can find to stop yourself from having to spend a little time within yourself. Well you know what, there’s probably a big ol’ elephant up in there, and if you don’t take the time to deal with it, then how do you really expect to grow?
At the recent Camp Dovetail event, I witnessed the powerhouse that is today’s guest, Karlyn Percil give a short but very impactful speech. The more I heard, the more I knew that I needed to have her on the Soul Compass podcast. As a survivor of child sexual abuse, bullying, depression & anxiety – Karlyn knows what it’s like to live in a dark place and for so long, she too avoided the elephant in the room. But the more she studied the brain, neuroplasticity and emotional intelligence, she realised that the only way to liberate herself from these traumas, was to accept them for what they were. Karlyn now accepts that all that has happened to her in her life has happened for her, not to her. A very important distinction to make, and in this conversation today, we talk about why.
Karlyn and I discussed many, many deep topics, but a few that I think you’d really be interested in is:
The Imposter syndrome complex - I am not worthy of where I am
Understanding what your elephant in the room is and how to deal with it
How shame thrives and how to avoid it
Why adulthood is just the unfinished business of childhood
What is authentic intelligence
Accepting your past traumas to heal and liberate yourself from negativity
Vitina: Karlyn, the reason why I wanted to bring you on the show today was you gave such... It was so short but so sweet and impactful, of a talk at the last Dovetail Basecamp. I think it's now called Camp Dovetail, if I'm not mistaken. I have to say thank you to Alexis Dean and always give her a shout out because she's connected me with so many incredible women. And when you were talking on stage... Well, I guess it was technically in a dining hall, but it was your stage for the day. You really shared some powerful insights, and I think one thing that attracted me most to you was just your authenticity and your story. And I believe that it is our stories that guide us in the direction especially into what we're teaching today, and I'd love for you to share a little bit of your story and the catalyst that helped you embark on this self-discovery journey with our audience.
Karlyn: And for those who are listening, the talk I did was on elephant stories. I describe an elephant story as a difficult experience or situation that you've been in or you've been through, that is rooted in uncomfortable emotions such as shame, fear, guilt, but the root of all of it is usually fear. And we spiral in different directions. And we create a life narrative based on that experience. And we allow that to drive who we become and the type of goals we set, the type of relationships we enter, and how we live and lead our lives. And I walked everyone through an exercise on how to identify your elephant story, how to tame it, so that you can now be the CEO, you can be the one in the driver's seat of your soul, and your life as well.
That came about because I had an elephant in my life that I needed to address, and the elephant stories Leadership Masterclass and our interactive garden experience it was inspired by the elephant in the room idiom. And I'm pretty sure you've heard of that word idiom, which is right, we all had that thing in our lives that we know it's at the back of our minds. It's there. It's like a skeleton in the closet, not dealing with that particular thing, it's taking up a lot of space in our consciousness, preventing us from being present in our lives. And it actually, like I say, gets in the way of your success.
And for me, I have several elephants stories, but I guess the one that really drove this whole me making it, not just a part of my business, but it's now a signature program and course, came about when I went to... So I'm born and raised in Saint Lucia moved to Canada in 2003. I was 25, sort of working on based into technology and operations, that has been like my entire career in the fintech industry. And I didn't realize how hard it would have been for me to assimilate especially from a cultural perspective. That led me down a road of lots of questioning. I call it my FONDI-FONBE moments and FONDE, an obsessive acronyms. So they'll be a lot of referrals to that FONDE, it stands for fear of not doing enough and FONBE, stands for fear of not being enough.
So I find that every room I entered especially in the tech space women are under represented as a black immigrant women even more under represented so not see myself represented, and not feeling like I have a right to raise my hand, to share my story, to ask questions really fueled up my imposter syndrome, I'm complex, which again, led me to question okay, so why are you here? Are you even good enough to be here? You've worked twice as hard to prove that you're supposed to be here, but yet you're still getting the accolades that you desire. And at the time I was in a relationship, because I felt like I wasn't worthy of love because I don't love myself, right?
So there were all those elephants that were coming up and attribute work has been my most powerful. I would say the last like 15 years. It has been the most transformational... I've had the most pivots while I was working full time at the bank. And I remember going through the whole, okay, so why aren't you raising your hand? What's holding you back? And I saw an ad actually, on television at the time when I still had a television, talking about the elephant in the room, don't drink and drive. And I remember thinking, ah, forget the elephant in the room. I have an elephant in my life that's literally sitting on my chest, and it's suffocating me.
And every time I find it harder to breathe and find it harder to see myself. I feel like I've lost myself. I don't know who I am. I don't know who I'm becoming. And while I was really good at life in that work. Like I'm hitting those project milestones. My reports are in sync, I'm killing about all fronts. Inside, I was slowly dying. I really wasn't present in my life. And I feel like I've been a robot in my life for all those years. And I'm going to backtrack again a little bit the how the whole thing came about the whole elephant concept to was, I actually ended up going back to school because I got so fascinated by how do I get myself out of this rut and I'm a self help junkie. Anyone else like if you relate, if there's a podcast, a TEDx, a quantum, you name it. I'm taking it because I was determined to find answers because at some point in your life you get tired you get sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
So I discovered the work of Dr. Brene Brown. Her work on shame and vulnerability changed my life. She talked about hustling outside of yourself but within us. When we outsource our stories, when we don't own our stories, when we allow shame to tell us who we are. We will always be in this vortex of not good enough. And I went back to school, I went back to Schulich and I did a Master's certificate in adultery and personal development because as I was learning from all these people, and I applied them in my life. I said, since all this shit happened. And I'm like, "Oh my God, this actually works." Like everybody needs to know that.
So I started holding lunch and learns at work, and I started telling other people, "Oh, you don't feel appreciated at work. You have this crappy boss? You want to know how to navigate that and to still be assertive in your communication and who you are? I got something for you." And I went into my little toolbox and I'll pull a little worksheet or you know something, like I was legit like, I guess you can see the love doctor. But what came up in my work was when I was looking at what do elephant stories come from? What are the narrative? Why is the brain so loud? Why is there always chatter? I got certified in neuroscience coaching, I got certified in emotional intelligence because I wanted to understand emotions.
If at the end of every experience what we create is an emotion, what are some of the emotional imprints I have on my soul? And if you don't know what they are, if I'm not clear around my emotions and what stories telling me, how am I making conscious decisions in my life? I'm not. It means I'm on autopilot and that means my unconsciousness, my unconscious narrative is driving who I am. And that led me to understanding that okay, if I had to take all my narratives, all the chatter, all the negative thoughts, the stories I tell myself about who I am and where I am, if I had to put them in different categories, what would that be? And this is when our SPEC framework came to life, and spec stands for societal programming, perception, experiences, and C stands for culture and family programming and conditioning.
So I realized that a lot of my narratives that hold me back, and elephant story it came from one of those buckets. So this gave me a framework to go back and forth and to challenge my negative thoughts, and to challenge my unconscious narratives, and all the things on autopilot. This is what led me deeper into this work because I got so much clarity on my life. I finally understood how to fully become the CEO of my soul. The biggest I guess you can say elephant story that was the biggest public one, it came from my experiential elephant story.
So I had some cultural stuff to deal with. Because I thought the cultural belief I grew up in the Caribbean was head down, work hard, somebody is going to recognize you for it, right? Don't boast, don't talk too much. Stay at your lane really stay in your corner, and then the world will reward you for that. But you and I both know that doesn't work here. People will walk all over, you'll work twice as hard and you will be twice as good. But you won't get the recognition you deserve if you don't raise your hand, if you don't advocate for yourself. You don't ask for what you want. And yes, as a racialized woman, I have to do that twice as much, but it is my current reality and it's my duty to do it.
So the second elephant story, which landed me on own Canada, was the around child sexual abuse. I shared that story in 2012 on OWN TV. And again, it was at a time around you say you want love, you say you want more trust in your life. You want better relationships, you want deeper connection, but you're not connected to you because there's a barrier. Again, there's an elephant that's getting in the way of that connection. So how can we get past that elephant. And the research around shame, Dr. Brene Brown has some excellent work around that. To anybody who wants to get the male perspective, the work of John Bradshaw as well. He has some really great tapes on YouTube on shame. And what shame looks like from the male perspective is that shame thrives in silence and secrecy.
And what do we do with our shame stories, our elephant stories, our fear stories? We hide them, because we think that if we show that side of ourselves that as part of who we are that people will judge us, and the identity that we have created outside of that story will be threatened. And then we're not sure but who am I going to become with this new narrative? Who am I creating? Who am I becoming with now there's the story with a child sex abuse? There's the story with the cultural shame and changing my belief system? There's a story about under representation of the black woman home shown in the media? What do I do with all those narratives? I don't know. No one taught me how to take all the unpleasant things, and to extract the resilience from that. No one gave me the manual for that, or the map for it. Like where is the life book for that?
Adulthood is to finish the unfinished business of childhood. Because I think the other shock that we all get as adults is that you get to adulthood and you're carrying the narrative from your societal and probably your family condition, and that you're supposed to know what you're doing. You're supposed to know what you want, you should be married, you should have kids, you should have a shit together, and all those things. And then you become an adult and you have more questions. You realize that maybe some of the things that you learned growing up it actually doesn't serve me in this lifetime, in this current climate and culture, and I'm supposed to create my own reality. Oh, but how? How can I do that with all these other things that no longer serve me, and no one coached or guided us through that? You will have more questions, and that's okay.
Actually, you're supposed to have more questions as an adult because you are creating your reality. You're creating your destiny. You are choosing who you're becoming. And based on the current climate of the life of the world that we're in right now, you're supposed to take all the data from your past, assess it for the life you're creating, and the legacy you're building, and then choose what comes with you, thank the rest for bringing you this far and to leave it where it is. So I don't know that was a very long winded explanation to my elephant story, and how I got started in this world. But this is what led me like my life experience moving here, all of it combined led me to share in that when the Oprah opportunity came, and it was again, you talk about manifestation, you talk about divine, a synchronicity.
Deepak Chopra talks a lot about that, and I have seen in my life so many times. Sometimes it scares me to realize how much power we have as human beings. We are so powerful that we undermine that power. And in so many cases, we just don't use it. We just don't know that we have access to it. So this is why now my life's work is dedicated to help people to understand how to tap into that power. I call it authentic intelligence. People talk about the fourth revolution, AI robotics. What's going to happen, jobs, and the future of work? And I'm like, what's going to happen if we fully hone in into the AI, our brain and our soul, that authentic intelligent if we allow both to be aligned, what will happen for our consciousness and for this lifetime, and where we're going?
Vitina: Absolutely. And I love that you use the word power. I believe that all of us have a different definition of what power means. And this is probably what is holding most of us back from actually tapping into that authentic intelligence that lives within us because we see horrible representations of power, but its power over others. And we avoid that. Because if you're like running a business or you're trying to run your life from a heart centered place, that is not really what you're looking for. But then you become and I know I'm guilty of this is become passive in my own mind.
Karlyn: We go on autopilot, but the recording or the tape that, that autopilot is running on, that robot is running on. It's not in alignment with the highest version of ourselves. So that passiveness becomes a recycle bin from your past, which again, why we feel this disconnect with self, and where we're going in our lives.
Vitina: I wanted to ask you if you'd be willing... I'm happy to play guinea pig, but go through what that elephant experience might look like if you're taking a client through that. Just so our viewers can get... our listener, sorry, can get a better understanding of how they can use that technique in understanding what's going on and understanding their patterns, their beliefs that are holding them back in their life?
Karlyn: Well, I often set with three questions of clients and ask them, What do you want? Why do you want it? And if today was your last day on earth, and you had to write your obituary, what is the one thing that you want included in there, that speaks to your purpose of being on this earth? And I get them to start lining up the three. So if the obituary does not line up with the why, what do you want, right? And if that means it's kind of like a medium-life gap analysis. And obituary can sound a bit morbid, but I think if we understand that we don't know when we're gone. We're all here for purpose. By the way we all live in our purpose, because your purpose is a combination of your skills, your talents, your elephant story, all the shit that have happened in your life, your values. That's your purpose.
When you're living the whole full life, even if you're not moving towards the full potential, you are in purpose. But the question is, are you maximizing your purpose on all these different points, and your passion also is fun. So are you maximizing on your passion or your talent or your skills or your elephant story? So with the elephant story piece, I often ask people, those three questions. And then based on that, I asked them, okay, so if the life you're living right now, you're going to full time job, and maybe you're running your own business, whatever it is, and this is your obituary, what is the biggest opportunity? The next opportunity? What's that? What does that look like? And if you know that you had a deadline.
And then based on that, I walked them through a record of the five senses model, we asked people, what does that look like? What does that feel like? What does that sound like? What does it taste like? And then based on that, we take a look at what narratives are coming up. And then where is that narrative coming from, which usually leads us a little bit deeper into A, if it's a societal narrative let's unpack, let's dive more of it deeper. We also have a workbook that will take people through, and the other thing we do is that we also do emotional intelligence test to get an idea of where you are on the emotional skills in terms of self awareness. Like the feel of your interpersonal skills, decision making skills, how flexible are you in terms of your mental agility, etc, etc.
And then we walk people through the report and combined with come up with the plan to help you to start shifting your narrative, that mindset so that you get closer to your becoming mindset. Everything else that comes after that. It's a mindset, our emotions, our thoughts, emotions, and attitudes drives our action, right? I call it the T-model. Every time I ask my clients, what's the T? if you're not doing what you're meant to do, if not where you're you're supposed to be, then that means the tea literally that you're drinking, it's not the right ingredients. Your thoughts are either misaligned or your emotions are and your attitude because the first two drives the last one, if you change thoughts or your emotions or your energy, then you automatically will upgrade your attitude.
And there's so much data that our life gives us like, emotions as a bodily sensation for example. The basic that I teach my clients is that emotions is just data. It's not a directive to act. So if you understand that in an emotion is energy in motion, and if emotion is a bodily sensation, then what is your life telling you right now? If you pause and you stay still, what is it telling you? Where's that emotion sitting? Is it in your chest? Is it in your throat, your pelvic area? What is it telling you? So with that narrative, I often encourage clients and just sit with it. Don't allow too much external data, but listen to your body. In the Success Planner, which is another tool I designed to help me to track different opportunities for deeper engagement and connection to self. We have a habit tracker, and I sometimes give clients simple, okay, what is love or joy, whatever emotion that comes up for the fear, disappointment, anger, monitor that for 30 days, and see what data comes out for you.
Vitina: I love that you connected the mindset back to the body. The mind-body connection is so powerful and even for myself on this journey, like talk therapy is great. But I started working with a therapist that specializes in bio energetics, and coming back home into your body, your souls home, and listening to its wisdom, and that simple technique of just being in tune in, and whether you like stop intellectualizing it's just becoming more and more aware of what's going on and how your body speaking to you.
And the emotional intelligence pieces is so key and like thinking of when I'm in fear, I can already feel it in my chest. When I think of shame, I feel it right in my belly and my gut. I can feel it deep in there. And when I'm not speaking or I feel like really self conscious and I'm not speaking up, I actually can feel it in my throat. It's these simple techniques that the way the body speaks to you, when you actually slow down, you can connect with what's happening. Doesn't mean that it necessarily stops the emotion that's coming up, but it just becomes a lot easier to flow through it versus resist it because I'm sure that you can relate at some point in your life and maybe sometimes now for myself, there are times where I don't want to sit with the emotion. It's brutal. It's like I'm just trying to dodge it.
Karlyn: Oh, yeah. No, I avoided like clearly. Yeah, I'm just like, "Oh, no, we're not doing this today. I have no time for you." And I know she'll come back and I told her that I told my gremlins that, "I know you're going to come back, but right now"...but I tell my clients that this is still okay because this is still a healthy coping mechanic. Because you're actually acknowledging it, and you're saying it's not an unconscious ignoring it or pushing it under the carpet, right? It's a conscious like, "Yeah, I see you. But you know what? Yeah, not right now". Because on the range of our emotional mastering road, this is the time to play it, I know it works for you. There isn't a one size fits all formula. Like even with this little formula, I'm sharing some of them may get a some may not and that's okay. That's the beauty of life. That's why we need so many students and teachers all around because each and every single one of us have a piece of the puzzle.
So for me, I tend to look at it as what if we gamify life? Today, I'm going sit with it. I'm going to try sit with my emotions, and when it comes up in my throat or my chest, I'm going to breathe through it. Maybe tomorrow, breathing doesn't work. Maybe tomorrow I'm going to scream it out. Or I'm going to like go to the gym and feel it and then like punch it out. Like I don't know, but play with it. Have fun. Discovery you that way, because the only way to get to self mastery is to find out what works best for you in different situations. And that will continuously change until we exit this earth and this body.
Vitina: Oh, absolutely. And this is a big reason why I started Soul Compass and bringing on different experts because I, as a student, and as a teacher, recognize that my way of teaching, my way of delivering will not resonate with so many different people. But Karlyn, you have such a different technique, same outcomes, same outcomes of like what you're trying to help people with, but it's a different way for people to get there. And you being the light that you are, there's going to be people that just resonate with you and want to work with you. And the beauty of you as a teacher is that you are forever student, and I can see that in your willingness to keep learning and in your willingness to just say hey, yeah, like last week, I was going through a hard situation, but as much as I'm teaching this stuff, I still am human and I'm experiencing what life has to offer at the end of the day.
Karlyn: Yeah, 100% because I think people think that because some people are teachers and we're very public about it. People think that it means that you've got all your shit together and life is perfect. Some of the best teachers, they are actually some of the busiest students, because life is constantly throwing shit at us. Life is constantly testing us. Life is constantly seeing are you really... If you said this is your life's calling, how dedicated are you to this? Because I'm always take you to a different level. I will always take you to a different class. So are you really ready to show up for class? Or are you really, really going to do this?And this is why I say some people are called to this work and some have chosen both work, and it's just understanding where you are on that path. And if you are called and if you're chosen, then it's two different roles that you get to navigate. But knowing that an understanding that also helps us to prepare for what's coming ahead.
Vitina: Would you say you've been called or chosen?
Karlyn: I would say that I was called. Called in the sense that I didn't choose the lessons that have come up in my life so far. I didn't choose how I grew up... Everything that I've been through was designed to serve me. It was designed to get me to where I am today, and everything I'm going through right now, same thing. Like it's life is constantly working on my behalf. And even some of the things like being on Oprah's Life Class and the way things have evolved in terms of the work that we're doing right now I could have chosen it, I admire it. There was a calling that happen, and part of the column led me to being here.
Vitina: I have to say like my heart melts listening to you, because even like through your upbringing, and coming to Canada, being a minority, especially in the tech worlds. I know as a woman when I started in tech, and then also being a black woman in tech that's a big deal. And you could have looked at that one of two ways. You could have become the victim of your life, which-
Karlyn: Which I did.
No, I did. I played the victim really well for like a good decade, I would say. And the victim mindset, it doesn't go away. It's fluid, right? It comes and goes, but I spent a long time complaining, being unhappy, waiting for my boss to change, waiting for people to change, waiting for my family members to change, because the problem is them, not us.
Vitina: We don't want to take ownership. Why would we ever want to do that?
Karlyn: Exactly. Come on. That means I got to face my shit. That means I have to do something about it. I would rather wait for people to change, which you know never happens. We just end up being more miserable and unhappy and frustrated. Oh, yes, I played victim really well. That's why now I'm cherishing the other side of having the mental and emotional legibility to choose how I show up and having the power to create my reality every single day.
Vitina: People often think they don't have a choice. And you're the perfect example of choosing differently and whether that was choosing to have a different mindset. That's part of the journey as well because even not making a choice is a choice of itself.
Karlyn: Yeah, you have to be defaulted to whatever is in your life at this moment. And one of the biggest journeys I had to go through was learning to love Karlyn was being okay with the person who's staring back at me in the mirror with all the imperfections. My past experiences not feeling worthy, not feeling good enough, and all the things that I went through the depression, anxiety, the child sexual abuse, the verbal abuse to felt like all of it, and during my journey of self love, if I could give everyone one lesson is that acceptance is liberating. When you accept what is, only then can you exercise the right to choose, because before that, what you're doing is that your resistance, right?
And if you're resistance it means that you're using your power in a way that's not conducive to your current reality. So you're using up all your energy resistance. So then there's nothing left for you to actually choose consciously your next step or your next intention, or even just having the power to like you said, Oh, I'm feeling this here. Let me just sit with it and breathe with it. And to me, that is one of the biggest lessons I learned, because when I accepted the fact that being a survivor of child sexual abuse, or all the stuff that I went through with the trauma, the PTSD and all the things, this is a part of your story, but it's not your entire story.
But I wouldn't have come to that realization if I did not accepted the fact that no, no, no, no, you can't change your past because it's been a long time trying to change it. I had a lot of those, I call it romanticizes in my childhood. I had a lot of those, what if I never went through this, would it have been different in my life? What kind of choices would I have... Would I have even move to Canada? Moving to Canada was trying to run away from my problems. Would I even be here? I don't know. You know what I mean? So I went through that period of resistance through what if and romanticize on my childhood, until I got to the point and realized that the quickest way to change my childhood is for me to accept what is. And with that acceptance, I get to decide, what does that end of the chapter going to look like? How am I going to read it? And everything shifted after that.
Vitina: Wow. And it's so true because even for me my most traumatizing experience, similarly, like obviously, I wish that it never happened. And I can keep wishing, but at the end of the day, look at where both of those things have brought us, and overcoming our traumas, and also just now helping guide people and serving people to do the same thing for themselves. Sometimes it sounds crazy to say it happened for us, but it did.
Of course, I don't wish trauma or anything upon anyone. It's a lot to handle mentally, emotionally.
Karlyn: I have this theory and that might be another podcast for us to talk about. But I had this theory that no one comes into this life and escapes trauma.
Again, if you look at intersectionality and the intersection identities, race, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, as you look at what worms are identity of self, I think that also adds or informs how traumatic your life gets and becomes, because our parents are doing the bed like look at today. Imagine somebody who just had a baby today. They're raising the child in a world where we live our lives in social media. I grew up without a phone. I grew up in the bush. I grew up doing my homework by candlelight. Even for me, I'm like, what is this? What is this new world, and our brains were not designed for this world, right? Our brains was designed to eat and not be eaten. That's it. That's it, right?
So our limbic system is... The emotional part of the brain is not designed to understand that seeing somebody doing something on social media that similar to you is like feeling like a lion is chasing you, that can activate your stress hormones and that can send you into comparison, and can send you into rumination, which can send you into depression, which can send you to anxiety, panic attack. No one upgraded our again, that life book, and maybe we're supposed to write it together. There's nothing wrong with you, but your brain is designed to actually look out for fear, because it does not like anything that is not in its comfort zone. It does not like anything that's new. It doesn't like anything it doesn't understand. Your brain does not work well with ambiguity.
So your role as the CEO of your soul is to design your life, your future by putting in all the things that you want to accomplish as a line item into your brains coding system so that understands that this particular thing matters to you. So this is where the power to create comes in, because you get to choose your thoughts and your emotions. And since the brain is malleable, and it's involved in everything we do, you can change it by how you think, how you feel, your environment, who you listen to, what you eat, your gut, some researchers call it the third brain, we're so connected to our inner power to our inner source. So all we have to do is to tap into it and then you can activate that CEO handle, and start driving life your way.
Vitina: And oftentimes, I know you started touching on this before, like we're living life on autopilot and we just start believing that our thoughts are real. And that is really scary. I've been an avid meditation practitioner now for the last seven years, and even still, to this day, I'll catch thoughts in meditation and think, Oh my gosh, I still have these hardwired thoughts in me. And it's hard to change the thoughts and the thought patterns when you're not even aware of what they are yet. So I don't know like meditation for me would be the number one tool that I use, how have you been able to catch your thought patterns?
Karlyn: So meditation hasn't really been one of the tools, but I used to write a lot. So I write a lot journaling. Having a gratitude practice as well has really allowed me to be more aware of my thoughts, breathing as well. So I use breathing, I use in the Success Planner, under our habit tracker, loving kindness affirmation. So repeat in your love and support. So I created something called the Self-talk Tape. Because I know that automatic negative thoughts they're automatic so which means the brain is always running them. So I'm creating my automatic positive emotion self- talk tape. So I just start really know what happens on A, I just need to create B, right? So that is also a tool that I use.
So that's why The Success Planner I designed it that way to oh, gratitude practice tracking my thoughts, because anytime you give your attention to something, you increase your focus, but we also know we're in it. We're also in an attention deficiency economy right now where there's so many things vying for our attention. So the pen and paper is now becoming even more important because when we write we activate a certain part of the brain, that increases our ability for us to focus on that particular thing or to bring it to our attention or to embed it into our psyche. So write and if anything is going to become a guess you can see the new lifesaver of the 21st century leader. And it's crazy because it's something we grew up with. It's ancient. But these have been the part of the things... And I'm very particular about my morning routine in terms of listening to something to feed in my mind during my gratitude practice, reviewing my vision statement and my planner.
Vitina: Oh my gosh, you guys need to see what she's showing me right now. Because it's this beautiful, colorful collage of greatness. That's what it looks like.
Karlyn: So I'm constantly feeding my mind for the life that I want. As much as I don't meditate. I go off and on this meditation, that's we have a dance going on. But I have created a practice where every second, I'm aware of my thoughts, and I choose a different thoughts.
Vitina: This is why I asked this question because meditation... You know what I do believe it could be for everybody, but I think that it's at different times in your life, you're going to gravitate towards it. And yes, I believe that journaling that happens right after my meditation. Almost Every morning I won't say I'm perfect and do it every morning. But the journaling has helped me see... So I've been journaling now for the last four years almost every day. And I was actually talking to my therapist about this yesterday. I said to her, I'm like, "Is it so weird, when I look back at all my journaling? It's always about men and relationships and some sort of chaos with men?"
And then now I'm in a loving, healthy relationship. And yeah, of course, my writings a little bit different now where it's like, I'm actually just so grateful for my partner, but I've done so much of my own work, right? I've dedicated to it still, and I mean, he is a mindfulness practitioner, also, so he won't let me escape my staff, and he'll help me sit with it, which I'm so grateful for, but for the first time, I'm actually looking fully at other parts of my life. That I never looked at before because I was so overly consumed by this one area, especially with romance and my love life.
Karlyn: And that's the thing. And that's the beauty of addressing the elephant in the room. Because once you do it open up your capacity for more, right? You open up your ability for you to not just see more but to manifest more as well. Because you now have the capacity to tap into that what feels good, what works and even if something is not working, you know how to manage it, right? Because you now trust yourself, that you have the confidence to face those unpleasant emotions, and not uncomfortable with this. So that's the beauty of it, and that's my wish for everyone to know that you are strong enough you are confident enough to trust yourself through this process of life. Because I find with that, but you can handle any and everything. I'm not saying everything will be easy, there's a difference. You'll be able to handle any and everything because then we'll be able to now understand that things happen for us and not to us. And with that, in itself is the first step to owning your power.
Vitina: Karlyn, I'm so grateful that we got to chat today. This is like starting my gloomy Toronto afternoon off so beautifully. You bring the ray of sunlight into this world. So thank you so much. And I know you have some cool stuff launching, or it might actually already be launched. And that I think that our listeners would really dig. So if you want to share that with them, I know it will be worth it.
Karlyn: Yeah, and thank you so much for having me. I feel like we could talk for the whole day. So one of the tools that I talked about in terms of consistency around the practices to help you to become the CEO of your souls, CEO of your life as the Success Planner, and I took all the lessons from the Brene Brown, Tony Robbins, Napoleon Hill, Viktor Frankl, some of my favourite teachers out there, virtual teachers and also the data I've gotten from my life so far, and I created a journal so that we can practice becoming our best all 365 days of the year.
And it has a 12 step process from having a gratitude practice, there was a writing a letter to your future self, there's an opportunity for you to create your own vision statement or your vision wall within the planner. There's a habit tracker so that you can get more granular and the things that you want to just shine a light deeper in on your life, there's a reflection every month, reflect on lessons learned. What are some of your bright spots? What would you like to celebrate? What do you need to network with? And who can you be of service to? Is there someone in your life right now, at your home that you need to be the hero in their lives? Like how are you creating community and connection? I often say it's not for the average person.
And I don't mean average in a bad way. But if you're someone who have not had a history of journaling, or doing that kind of work, it will seem a bit intimidating for you. But I still encourage you if you want to challenge yourself for 2020 to really step fully into your power. I still get this Success Planner. But for people like you, I know you're going to love it, because it just has all the things that we've all been practicing over the year but you have it in just one journal. So people oftentimes tell me don't call it a planner. It's more like my life journal. So it's planner meets journal meets, how to create better practices, and we have something very special coming forward. Next is our fifth anniversary. And we're releasing a new set of journals as well. But this one is also even more intense. It's for the people who want to get granular on their morning routine, evening routines, even tracking your energy for the day, your emotions for the day. It's for those who are like that next level.
And the third thing I'd like to share that's coming soon. And I'm not sure if anybody in your community would be interested in is that we're certifying people in the elephant stories. Leadership Masterclass process, if you want to run your own circle, if you want to walk people through their own elephant stories and help them to uncover those unconscious behavior patterns and biases. This often leads to helplessness and self sabotage in our lives. We're certifying people in that process, teaching people the science behind themselves. We're also taking a look at emotional intelligence. And also giving people the tools around positive neuroplasticity mindset. How do you take control of your life by taking control of your mind?
So that certification program is launching early 2020. We will have a soft launch happening next month with a small pilot group. We've actually already have one sessions and the Elephant Stories Class where we're hoping to graduate our first set of people by spring next year, and we're going on tour, I'm calling the dream bigger tour because if we remove, if we help you remove the elephant in your life and for those of you listening I'm going to have to think about that. If we help you to tame the elephant I would say not remove a tame the elephant in your life. What would be possible for you? How would you dream bigger? What would be that bold dream, that big dream that you will go after this year. I would love to hear.
Vitina: Amazing and where can they find you?
Vitina: Amazing. And we will close I know you have one mantra that you live by. Tell us. I feel like we all could use some of that.
Karlyn: One mantra. So when you purchase The Success Planner you'll find all my favorite quotes and mantra.Or throughout every Monday as we start off with an affirmation. So let me see what the affirmation for this week. So I'll share this week's affirmation as per The Success Planner, and then also share with your favorite affirmation. Okay, so this week's affirmation is, " I am worthy of kindness and compassion." And actually, I think it's perfect for our conversation because as we're journeying to understand itself more, and some of the elephant stories of Gremlins come up. Sometimes I know we can be a bit unkind to ourselves in the sense of hurry like healing is not linear. There's no timeline for it. Just continue to trust your soul and it ended when it will, things will come up navigate, hell, close as they should.
Karlyn: So that's this week's affirmation. And my one affirmation that I say all the time can be grounded and to keep me supported in this life is that you are loved and supported everything and everyone is working on your behalf, especially during the difficult times. Because we can tend to forget that and sometimes I just fall back in victim mindset or why is that happening now? Why me? Everything and everyone is working on your behalf you are loved and supported. Bad things unpleasant things happen because I am loved because the universe God, whatever you want to call it, wants me to find a deeper connection to my love. So He's given me an opportunity to dig deeper so that I can find that connection.
Vitina: Karlyn, thank you just for being so authentically all.
Karlyn: Thank you. So good to meet you. And thanks for having me on.