Using Rejection As A Lesson with Tahani Aburaneh
How have you added value to someone’s life today? Whether it be a friend, a colleague, or a client, have you provided them with something that cost you nothing, but provided value to their life in some way. This is a noble goal. To feel like you have information to share and you can be of service to others, you first have to look inwards and assess where your strengths are. Can you be of service to others in a meaningful way? Honestly, no matter what your skillset, there is always someone that you can help in some way. There is always a way to make someone else’s day a little brighter.
My guest today, Tahani Aburaneh lives and breathes this ethos. From the very moment she was born, Tahani had to overcome such adversity. She was born in a refugee camp in the Middle East, was arranged to be married at just 15 years old and was forced to move to Canada as a result. Then after 22 years of marriage, Tahani found herself dealing with a divorce and had two young kids to take care of.
Instead of wallowing in self-pity and negative thoughts, Tahani learned how to hustle her butt off and has built an empire on real estate investing. She focuses on helping females achieve financial freedom and the importance of educating themselves to ensure they are never reliant on anyone other than themselves.
SOME TOPICS WE COVERED:
All women are capable of achieving anything
Surrounding yourself with the right people and creating your community
Always working from a place of adding value to the lives you touch
Looking through life with a lens of love
Confidence only comes through practice
Being authentic and real with people when you don’t know something
Treating your rejections as lessons
Tahani: There is a lot of things that you could create when it comes to rejection so it becomes more of a positive, and it becomes more of a learning lessons in your business of, "What can I do to improve better on my business and become even the person to go to when it comes to that business?"
Vitina: Namaste and welcome, I'm Vitina Blumenthal and you're listening to the Soul Compass podcast. I'm here to help you find your inner calm and deepen your self-discovery journey. Take this moment and focus on yourself. For your mental health, your ability to find ease in your everyday life and your emotional well-being. It is so important that you nourish yourself not only physically but also emotionally and mentally. Here at Soul Compass, you'll learn practical tips from experts who will leave you with a sharper focus and a renewed commitment to yourself.
Hello and welcome to episode 17 of the Soul Compass podcast. Today we’ll be focusing on using rejection as a lesson.
Our guest today is one powerhouse of a human. Not even just of a woman. She is one powerhouse of a human and I can’t wait to share her story and more about her in this episode.
Rejection has always been a bit of a struggle for me, or the fear of rejection I guess you could say. My entire life. From being a little girl on the playground and really wanting to be accepted by my peers and doing anything I could to fit in. To be accepted. I really lost myself. And this carried on into my adulthood, and it wasn’t until the last few years that I’ve been able to really look at this and heal it. And know that it’s safe to actually just fully be me. This really translated into a lot of areas of my life. From my business to going out networking to my creative projects and wanting clients to accept my designs, and even more intensely into my romantic life. My fear of being completely myself and being rejected for it resulted in din a lot of avoidance in relationships. Especially when I look back on my past of dating and my partners that I was attracting into my life, it was safer when that person was more into me than I was into them. But I’m sure you could guess it doesn’t really work in that case.
The people that maybe I would be interested in most, I would never put myself out there because I was so afraid to be rejected and so afraid to not be accepted by them because my worth, my value was dependant on that. The last few years I’ve been working on this so much, especially with my therapist and doing a lot of the healing work around the wound, around what had happened.
I hope that this episode inspires you that you are whole. You are worthy and your value isn’t dependent on anything outside of yourself. Rejection, as it says in the title, is a big teacher. It can be used as a lesson.
Before we dive in, if you’re new to the podcast, welcome to the tribe.
We’ll usually check in at this point. Before we get started.
If you have been part of the community for the last little bit you know the drill.
If you’re driving, just sitting up a little bit taller in your seat. Elongating the spine if you’re at your chair. Uncrossing your legs and grinding the souls of your feet onto the ground. If you happen to be sitting on the ground, finding a comfortable seat. If you’re walking, you can do this as well. Just being more mindful and conscious as you walk.
If it’s safe to do so you’ll close your eyes for a moment. Tuning in, and just checking in to see where you’re at today emotionally. Was there something said today by someone outside of you that brought up some emotion, some reaction. Whether that was maybe being criticized or maybe something as simple as saying hello and a smile from a stranger. As you do the check-in just noting that you’re being the observer. You’re just the observer. You’re not here to judge anything that came up. Just noticing where you’re at energetically. Are you feeling depleted? Do you feel energized, or is there an excessive amount of energy, maybe a little anxiety or stress.
Wherever you’re at. It’s all good.
Tuning in to your body. Is there a body part that’s speaking to you. Maybe breathing into that area.
Take three deep breaths together. Inhaling for the count of 2. 1, 2, pause.
Exhaling for the count of 4. 3, 2, 1.
Two more rounds.
Inhaling for the count of 2. 1, 2.
Exhaling for 4. 3, 2, 1.
Last round, inhale for 2. Pause.
Exhale for 4, 3, 2, 1.
Coming back to your natural rhythm of breath. Can you relax the muscles in your face, forehead, your jaw. Relaxing the shoulders and drawing them away from your ears softly. Is there any other tension that you can release that you’re holding on to.
If your eyes were closed, gently opening them up, and we’ll dive into this week’s episode.
I’d like you to ask yourself, “How have I added value to someone’s life today?” Whether it be a friend, a colleague, or a client, have you provided them with something that cost you absolutely nothing, but provided value to their life in some way. This, my friend, is a very noble goal. To feel like you have information to share and you can be of service to others, you first have to look inwards and assess where are your strengths. Can you be of service to others in a meaningful way? Honestly, no matter what your skill set, there is always someone that you can help in some way. There is always a way to make someone else’s day a little brighter.
My guest today, Tahani Aburaneh lives and breathes this ethos. From the moment she was born, Tahani had to overcome such adversity. She was born in a refugee camp in the Middle East, was arranged to be married at just 15 and was forced to move to Canada as a result. Then after 22 years of marriage, Tahani found herself dealing with a divorce and had two young kids to take care of. I know what you’re probably thinking, “This is a lot”.
Instead of wallowing in self-pity and negative thoughts, Tahani learned how to hustle her butt off and has built an empire on real estate investing. She focuses on helping females achieve financial freedom and the importance of education and educating yourself to ensure that you are never reliant on anyone other than themselves.
Tahani is the brains behind the Females in Real Estate (FIRE) Conference and runs her business, Tahani International. Tahani and I met a couple of years ago now and it was her story that really inspired me, and I knew that you would benefit from learning more about her, and her story and all the wisdom she has.
Some topics that we cover are:
All women are capable of achieving anything
Surrounding yourself with the right people and creating your community
Always working from a place of adding value to the lives you touch
Looking through life with a lense of love
Confidence and it only comes through practice
Being authentic and real with people when you don’t know something
So without further ado, let’s dive into this week’s episode.
Vitina Blumenthal:: I was getting so excited leading up to this call because you are just one special soul. Tahani, when I met you, your energy was just so grounding. You were just so humble. You're so curious. It made me so much more interested to get to know you a little more. Tahani, I would love for you to share a little bit about your journey. Then we can dive a little bit deeper into experiences and all the wisdom you have to share with us today.
Tahani: Thank you so much for having me on. I'm so grateful as well. I'm very, very excited to share the next hour with you and your listeners. It all started where I was born. I was born in a refugee camp in Jordan, Amman. As a young girl, that was my world in there. I didn't know anything else, and there was no Facebook. There was no Google. There was nothing else, but that street where I had my neighbors live on, and my school. That's all I knew.
I was a 15-year-old girl one day coming from my normal school day to my home, whereas I was closer to the door and closer to my home. I heard there's music and there's commotion. Then once I walked in, I'm like, I wonder what's happening here in my mind thinking, is there a party in the house? I wonder what my mom is up to. To find out that it was-- Actually they were celebrating my marriage. That's where they said Tahani just got married. You can only imagine as a 15-year-old young girl, it was a huge shift. I didn't know how to digest that news, and what to think, and what to say. For a long, long time, I kept quiet, not even talking or even saying anything, because almost I felt like I could not express my feeling, or I could not express what was on the inside of me.
I remember begging my dad not to let me go, but my dad have always instilled a belief in me that I can do whatever I want, like, “Tahani, I believe in you, and you can do anything and everything you want.” That was the best thing that my dad ever did for me. Because years later when I come to Canada, and when I went through a divorce after 22 years, not knowing what to do, and not knowing how to even think about how can I afford to provide for my two kids. Because at the time, I had my daughter and my son, how can I provide for them? What can I do and how do I do all of that stuff? I was a realtor at that time. As a real estate agent, or we should say self-employed person, if you're not working, you are not making money, period. At that time, there was so much. That same year, I went through the divorce. I have a 57-year-old brother who passed away, and my mom had gone through a huge big health issue. I was so much under so much pressure not knowing what to do at that time. I was at the mindset of like, my dad's voice came back to me that, "Tahani, you can do whatever you want." That's when the focus became so narrow and so sharp that I have to do whatever it takes to provide for the kids, and of course, for myself. That's what started the whole journey there.
Vitina: Wow, and I could imagine, well, only imagine how difficult that would be to leave with your kids. It sounds like in that process, you might have not known financially where you would be. That often is a fear of so many people, and especially entrepreneurs.
Tahani: 100% speaking of fears, but before I even talk about fears, I wanted to say that for me, I’ve always had the thought of like, oh, this is just only my culture or where I grew up where the woman could not really provide for herself because she's so dependent on the men. That's what I thought. That was a good-- You know how they say innocence sometimes is the best blessing. I thought, oh, as a Canadian woman here, they're able to provide to themselves. That's when I was set out to say, “You know what, I can do this too,” which is the greatest blessing ever, greatest blessing ever. That's when I started like, of course, realizing that that was not a cultural thing, we women, no matter whether you're in North America, Asia, Middle East, Africa, it doesn't matter where you're at. Most women still have a lot of fears and a lot of believes that we think that we are not capable of as much or bigger dreams as we could really achieve. It's not just only my culture or where I was born. It was a huge, huge realization for me to realize that. We are all, or most of the woman, even here in Canada, are like that.
Vitina: Oh, absolutely. I laugh as you say that because when I was a teenager, my father had said to me, “You know, Vitina, you're going to need a really rich man to maintain the lifestyle that you want.” He listens to those podcasts. I think, and maybe he'll actually confirm with me, now that I'm saying this out loud, I think it was his way of lighting a fire under my butt. I would start-- Like from that day forward, I'm like, "I'm going to do this on my own. I'm going to make sure that I financially I’m okay, independently." It's interesting that you bring this up. I know that helping women gain financial independence is your dharma.
Vitina: It's your mission in life, based on your story, based on your experiences, it was a calling that the universe was saying, “Tahani, you cannot look away from this, almost.” Is there a particular trend that you find that women struggle with money more than men?
Tahani: Yes, and I want to answer that, but I just wanted to touch on a point that most women, I'd say that, or most entrepreneurs are taught you're going to go out there and find your mission. I just feel like for me, you just have to go on with life and your mission will also find you as you are doing things. I'm not saying sit back and do nothing and then ask, “God, please find me my mission or help me find my--” No. Or, "I need money. Pour some money." No. I say, go out there and do things, but as you're doing it, then all of a sudden, it just appears whatever that is that you are supposed to do. For me, it's not like I said, or I set myself to say I'm going to make millions, or I'm going to be this real estate gurus or this real estate developer builder. That's not what I even thought about. What I thought about it was as simple as I get to go out and do whatever it takes to make enough money, so that I can have a roof on top of my head, and then some food on the table for me and my two kids. That's all.
Sometimes we overwhelm ourselves with such a huge bigness when we think about our goals, and I want you to dream big, even to the ladies that are thinking here, there is nothing wrong with dreaming big. I just always say, go back again, and then go a step at a time. Where are you right now? Then what do you want to get? Then it's almost like an evolution or a process that one goes through. Don't be so hard on yourself. If you are listening and you're thinking I'm not where I'm at right now, you're exactly where you need to be right now. You need to explore further within you what you need to do to get to the next level. I truly believe it has nothing to do with a lot of the house. How to do this and how to do that and becoming an expert at that, but more so about the mindset because that's where it all started working for me. It was all when I started changing and shifting what was on the inside that by-product, the outside started shifting.
Vitina: Well, you just have so many pieces and nuggets of wisdom, Tahani, already. I love that you said simplifying. I know because as a female entrepreneur, I love to overcomplicate my life. I have overcomplicated my life so much that I've reached a point where I'm trying to get back to simplicity once again, and once your fight or flight is settled, and for you in your circumstance was making sure that your kids had a roof over their head, and you, and food on the table, that's what you were setting out to do. It's those simple things that once they're kind of equalized and we start moving up and we’re able to think about other things, I feel like that's almost when we start complicating our life too much.
Tahani: 100%, and I also think that there is a lot of wisdom within us that we need to tap into, that inner voice or the inner gut feeling and all of those things that we need to tap into more. Because we are almost programmed to-- right now, anyway, this is what I feel, like the world is right now we are programmed, or whenever I go to places like it's always, you need this in order for you to do that. You need this in order for you to do that. Then all of a sudden, because we are entrepreneurs, I would love to learn, and we want this and we want this and we want that, and we just complicate things.
I say, when it all started for me, I knew that I did not have any money, any money. My ex-husband made sure that I don't even get any of his money because he wanted me to show other women that are in the same family that you know what? They don't want to show them that I am powerful so that other women don’t do the same. I did not care. Because if we get caught in our problems, and we get caught in like, "I'm going to show him and I want his money and I'm going to fire him", that's negative energy. I thought, "What can I, I as Tahani, concentrate on and focus on, so I can make a change while things unfold on the other side", because I didn't want to just only focus on the negative and the fighting, and I want to get this and I'm going to get him to do that. I'm going to make him pay for that. No, no.
Now when I look at the marketing world, I was doing things, again, intuitively without me even realizing it. At the time, I was a real estate agent. When I got out and I started asking my clients and people that I know if they want to buy or sell, I genuinely said, “I will do whatever it takes to get your house sold, as long as you know that this is going to make a difference in my life and my kid's life because I really need to do this. Because I need to provide my kids." What I didn't know at the time is that I was connecting the job with the emotional or like the back-end story, and people connected with that. That's when people go, “Oh my gosh, she's got the drive. She's willing to do whatever, and that's what they want. They want somebody that works for the sell of the house.
That's when I became unstoppable. That's when people started hiring me more and more and more. At the time, I was just a real estate agent that sells houses, people's homes, and I stumbled upon a developer builder that I kept coming back to him and I keep saying-- I kept telling him that, “I see my name, I see my face on this development, and I know this is meant to be for me because I know I can do a good job for you.” The builder kept telling me, “But, Tahani, my wife is selling this development.” "Yes, George, but I know I can make you and your wife lots of money. My name is on the sign." Finally, when he gets seeing me bring it off or after another offer after another offer, he gave me that development. It was a small development. I was able to sell like almost 52 houses for him in about three and a half months.
Tahani: I became so focused. That's again the power of focus. You have to become so focused. You have to become almost relentless.
Another thing too that I wanted to say is that a lot of people, when you have no money, they almost start going to areas, like I need to go with this big and I need to do this. No, no. All you need to do is just think about getting your head above the water. I don't have any money. Okay, now I need to breathe. I need to make some money. Once you start breathing and you have a little bit saving, okay, now what do I need to do? Most people jump sometimes very, very hard, and that's, I believe, that's how you do it, right?
Vitina: Oh, that's a really interesting way of doing. Because I know that a lot of entrepreneurs, they do it because they want to achieve financial abundance. I noticed even on your website, you had something at the bottom, I think it was a freebie, that said the reason why you're not wealthy is because you're chasing money.
Tahani: 100%. I became a millionaire, multi-millionaire not because I wanted to become a millionaire or multi-millionaire. I became that because I was sincerely wanting, first of all, to provide for my family, and I wanted to also help my clients. The more people you provide value for, it's almost like a snowball. It just keeps on going and going and then eventually get bigger anyways. What most entrepreneurs listening to this podcast or up there, I think is that I want to change the world. Well, that's good. I wish you all the best. I want to champion you. I want to lift you up as well. How about we start with your own world.
I was at an event, a mastermind event, a few years ago. It just dawned on me that there are all these women who say that they were very, very successful, but when we truly opened up, and when we truly start discussing the money issues, they were all in that. I'm like, how do you go and help others and you go and you volunteer, and you go and you do all these things when you're still not the mask. You have to put the mask on yourself first. You have to put the mask on yourself first, and you have to know that you come with a solid foundation, first. You build your foundation, and then you can go out and give more. When you give, you give at a bigger even level.
Vitina: I really, really appreciate you saying that. Especially in my world of wellness, yoga, mindfulness, I think that is one of the hardest things to sit with. Because it's supposed to be this selfless world. You can't help other people when you are without building maybe some resentment or whatever that's boiling underneath because you're not helping yourself. I laugh because, and in my backgrounds in design. Luckily, everyone needs a designer these days, but for the yoga community, especially in the mindfulness community, it's now becoming almost like the new starving artist. I really hope that the women who are in yoga mindfulness in a wellness space, really take that in and soak that up. I know it's really hard for me to sit with that. It's really hard for me to say no when people ask me to do favors or give my time, but I'm still early on in my entrepreneurial life. Time is, if not more important than energy for me at this time.
Tahani: Time is something that you can't buy back. You cannot buy back time. I know, look, I had no money. There were so many nights where my mom would go to restaurants and get the bread crumbs for us to deep in tea to eat. I speak from a place of like, I know I didn't have it. I know also the importance of having some of that. Even for those that are thinking, "I'm spiritual, or I don't need the money", well, you know what, you do need it because you do need to live and you need to eat. You need to also find shelter and food. You need that. Everybody needs that. Now, if you can have shelter and food and you don't want to do more, then that's fine, but I also will encourage each and every woman that’s listening to this, is also to think that what if something could happen. Then are you going to be okay and sustained something solid and says, “Can you provide for yourself if you need to and you are off?”
I just was sharing with you even this year, 2019, I've never ever had any health issue, and something happened that I had a health issue. Then I also had my daughter had a back health issue, and then I took also about six weeks to travel. All in all, it was almost six months with no work, but it did not dent my financial situation, not even a little bit. Because I've got a good foundation that the money is still coming even when I am not working. That is what I'm passionate about, is empowering women to really build that solid foundation while you're young and strong, while you can make money. If you want to be a free-spirited entrepreneur, then that's fine. When you're 65, you've got something that you can count on and you don't have to be homeless, or God forbid, anything like that.
Vitina: Tahani, I'm getting chills as you speak. I can tell you're so passionate about this. That is something that scares me personally because a lot of the way I've set up my business, is that it's an exchange of my energy or my time. Now, in my 30s, I'm starting to think, okay, if one day I want to have a family, and as a woman, I most likely will be the one to take time off with the child, how is my business going to make money? Now I'm starting to think of these things. I know I've gotten these concerns from other females writing in just saying, “One of my biggest fears is a health concern. What if a parent gets sick and you have to be caregiver?” There's so many things that can get in the way of your business, especially we don't have the leave of absence or what I forget what it's called in more the corporate world, but we don't get paid for being off. I'm curious to know how you would suggest someone in their 30s or 40s or wherever they are in their life to really start building a solid foundation to build for their future.
Tahani: That is incredible. That's exactly what I'm passionate about. This is exactly what I like. I want to bring awareness to the woman that there is a possibility, and then there is a way. I also want women to understand that if they want to get into the real estate investing world, they would need to get, if you don't have any money, you need to get to that level where you're like, Okay, now my head is above the water, and then once your head above the water, then you start saving some of that money. What I call that is delayed gratification. That is, we all have money to go buy a drink for $5, or buy a lot of clothes, or buy a car.
What I want the young women, especially the young woman to realize is that, what if I can delay that gratification and take some of that money, just like the wealthy, and then put it into an asset where that asset will put more money into your pocket. We've got so much to talk about. I want to share a lot with these ladies, but it just those thoughts that yesterday as I was sitting and I get these emails all the time.
This lady, and I'm going to even tell you what this lady said. She is so grateful and she just sent me this, "Tahani, oh my goodness. It's been a long time, but I want to give you an update. Right now, I'm cash flowing 1,400 from one property because that property was negative cash flow". I showed her a few little things. Right now she makes 1,400 every month from that one property. Then she said, I also bought another property and I'm making another 2,000 from it.
Vitina: Oh my goodness.
Tahani: She's getting 3,400 whether she works or not work every month to her pocket. Do you see that? Not only she's getting the cashflow, but also the house is appreciating, so she is also building equity, and she is also helping people that cannot buy houses. There's a lot of greatness, and there's a lot of things around what I do that I want to share with women, and especially women. I also wanted to say that, in the marketing world, people would think I'm absolutely crazy. You know how they say in the marketing world if you are helping, let's say, single mothers, then you stay helping single mothers because that's what are-- All of my life, I've been getting men that would come to me. Men who say, "Tahani, I want you to help me. Can you look up my finances?" I always almost see it as a puzzle, and I say we need to solve this. We need to work on that. We need to figure out this. That's how I see. I see it as a puzzle. I can change a few things and it would make a huge difference. Just like this lady has.
Always men come to me, 9 out of 10, or 90 out of 100. For me to take a full turn and go and say I'm going to go help women, is a huge risk. That is a risk that I can take because I am foundationally very solid. That's something I don't even see it as a risk. I see it as truly a mission, and it truly something that I meant to do because when I look back at my life, I say I was meant to be born in a refugee camp. I was meant to struggle with everything.
Then to understand that all of those lessons and to help so many women in order for me to come back to my sisters and help them, or to my daughters. I always think of it as a family. You're like a daughter to me, and then also the older woman are like sisters. I'm meant to come back and give all of that that I learned and I understand to help others with it, to help others do the same.
Vitina: As you were talking, one, your story of overcoming adversity is super inspiring, and this is what inspires people to give them perspective on their life. Especially if you were born in Canada and you grew up in a middle-class family. We have our stuff to complain about, but then hearing your story, they really give you a perspective on life. If you put your mind to something, how far you can come. As a young girl, I couldn't even imagine if you thought this is the way your life would end up.
Tahani: Never. Never. If you would have seen me before, I was like oh my gosh, it's day and night. Here's the thing. I don't want the listeners or the ladies to think, "Oh, but I wasn't born in a refugee camp", and all of that. No, because actually, it's a blessing that you were born here and take what you've got and even go further than I could. That's what I want them to think. I want to change the whole industry to inspire more women to take what I've got and then even go further with it.
I want a woman to be able to say, when I go and sit on panels downtown Toronto with builders and developers, they're all men. There are the odd few women, but those are like their husbands or their fathers has helped them. Which is okay, nothing wrong. I also want other women like me who don't have a husband or don't have a father that can take them there that they do to believe that they can be sitting on those chairs and can do this and when they can build high rise buildings, which what I'm right now working on. That's a project that I'm working on.
When I look back, I say, what are some of the reasons that women play small? Why do we play small? We could blame our culture, we could blame our everything. I truly believe there are things that we can change within us that we don't have to blame anything else and make it in this world. One of them is really its lack of knowledge. Women play small because they don't know they can do these things. You or maybe some of these listeners right now thinking, "Oh real estate. Oh, passive income." They're not thinking about these things. It's a lack of knowledge. They don't know how to get to the next level. Or it could be even business. How do I grow my business? Or is there someone else that's done what I want to do, and has done it in a big way that I can go and talk to, and female, I'm not talking about other male role models. Female role models. Lack of knowledge.
That takes me also to the second one, and that is the money. I could probably hear, but yes, Tahani, I don't have money to start investing in real estate. How can I get the 1,400 every month, or the 2,000 every month? I'm going to say to them that that is just an excuse because I also started with no money. I did not have any money, and I had also two kids. Money is a value. If you think about money, think of it as a value exchange. The more you add value, the more money you get.
Just remember me when I didn't have any money, I went to the people and I said I truly I'll do whatever I can in exchange to sell their house for them to pay me. Imagine this too, as a realtor, we actually had to not only get the listing, go after the job, so if you're entrepreneurial, go get clients. Not only I've got the clients, but I also took on the risk of working for a while and also spending advertising, not only my time, open houses and doing all these things, but also spending on advertising. I was dishing out my own money before even the house is sold. Not until the house is sold and the people moved in that I got really paid.
Vitina: To attract more financial abundance, you also have to be giving your customers, the people in your life more value, is what I'm understanding.
Tahani: Yes, yes. I'm not saying also to work for free, because those are two different things. When I worked for a client who sign a contract, like look, if you want to work with me, I'm willing to give you my all, but when the deal is done, then you're going to pay me. There is also a contract that what I'm offering, and this is what I'm promising, and then you pay me after. That's very, very important because we could even spend lots of time talking about how women get so much for nothing, which is absolutely also wrong. I don't believe that that is right.
I do believe that everybody starting out should be able to offer something so that like if I don't know you and you are not still one loan in your own business, you need to prove to me that you are good and then maybe say, "Tahani, if I provide one, two, three for you, are you willing to pay me at the end of me providing this?" There is the give and take. You can be working for nothing, but at the same time, you have to be able to willing to add lots of value in order for you to get paid for it.
Vitina: For people who are struggling with their self-worth and how much to charge, how do you give someone advice?
Tahani: What I charge right now is totally different than what I was charging when I got started. I see this a lot right now. Sometimes there was a marketer, you talk to them and then they want to charge you what a real big expert would charge. I'm looking at them and I'm thinking, would you rather, especially when they're still starving and they still need to put their head above water, would you not rather make some money versus no money at all? It's almost like it becomes more of an ego. If you don't pay me $10,000, then I'm not going to work for you.
Well, you know what? At the beginning, you need to be able to build your business. Let's say that you charge $1,000 per whatever job that you want to do. I would say to you, I'm willing to do it for you for 50% off, but if you promise me that you are going to give me two more referrals. That's like even making more money, but it's not really monitored because you need to build your business. That's what I want them to think about. Think about long term versus, Oh no, no, no, no. I'm not going to do it unless you give me 1,000, and if you don't, bye-bye. No, you're still getting something for your knowledge. You are getting paid, but you are also building your business because you are getting at least two more referrals, or you can set it up with whatever. Or if they have, for example, a good network. I'm willing to do this for you for $500, and I would love if you could maybe do like, say a podcast episode with you, or maybe give a shout out for me and my business. That's worth a lot of money, that's worth a lot more than $500.
Vitina: Absolutely. I get chills with a lot of your advice, Tahani. It's awesome that you said that. I think in my generation, millennials, we can tend to have an overinflated ego. That's not everyone, there's a disclaimer there, but a lot of us, we do. That example of not taking a job because it's not paying you 10,000, it's getting in the way of your actual abundance, because when you're not even practising what you love because you feel like you deserve 10,000 versus 1,000, you're being a disservice to yourself, and also to the people who need you the most, depending on what you do. I really appreciate that. I know we're on a little bit of a time crunch, but I need to hear number three.
Tahani: Number three really is about our inner beliefs and programming, which is we touched a little bit about it. It's really about confidence, and people always say, "Tahani, how did you become so confident with your area of expertise?" Which is real estate investing, and then leveraging money, leveraging the entrepreneurs' money, entrepreneurs, I've got doctors, lawyers, all kinds of women that go out and do what they love to do, and then they take some of that money and they leverage it through real estate.
It's all about confidence, and confidence only comes from really doing something over, and over, and over again. I feel like people tell you, "You have to go out there and be confident." I'm like, "How am I going to be going if I'm not even confident?" I would say just being authentic and being real, and I will come to you and I say to any of my clients, "Hey, George-" Or, "Hey, Mary, look, I'm not sure that I know all the answers for this, but I just want you to know that I will do my best to find out answers." Just be authentic. People love that, and people see through that. Then once you solve that problem, then your confidence goes up a little bit, and then you go and solve another problem, and then more and more, and more, and then that's how you become really confident, and you become really an expert at what you do. It's just going out there and doing it.
Vitina: It's so true, and like you said, we did start diving in a little bit in going inwards and getting clear on what's going on inside of us, and often really are fairly unconscious of our behaviors because we're operating from a subconscious place, and confidence is a big one that I think a lot of us struggle with, especially when you're relying on clients and you're relying on people to book you or use you to do whatever your skill is. When you get shut down and there's rejection, you have to be your best cheerleader. [chuckles]
Tahani: Yes. If anybody wants to be rejected or learn rejection, is just go in sales. That's all I can say. Because you'll learn what rejection is. How you see it is very, very important. I don't see rejection as a negative, I see it as, okay. If you are rejected, if I don't want to work with you, you have to dig a little bit deeper, "What was it that made you decide not to work with me? Was it that I couldn't provide the service that you want? Was it my fees? Was it the timeline?"
That's why I say being very authentic with people and then really talk to them so real so that if something doesn't happen or something goes wrong, you're able to ask this question so that you become a better businesswoman. I go, "Oh, it's because of my fees. Oh, okay, the fees. What would make sense for you? If my fees were not $1,000, then what would it make sense?" Then they go, "Maybe 500." Okay, if it was 500, are you able to do this for me? Again, going back to making it, instead of a negative, making it a positive.
There is a lot of things that you could create when it comes to rejection so it becomes more of a positive, and it becomes more of a learning lessons in your business of, "What can I do to improve better on my business and become even the person to go to when it comes to that business?" It's about improvement. That's how I look at it. I look at it as lessons, rejections are lessons.
Vitina: Boom, again, mind blown, Tahani [chuckles]. It's a beautiful perspective, and I know that your authentic self is really creating a positive vibration in the world. You spoke about authenticity and being honest when you don't know something, and so many of us have too much pride to admit that we don't know something. Maybe we say the wrong thing, or whatever that outcome is, but it is true.
Tahani: A lot of people they say, "Were you not intimidated going into rooms full of men as a woman?" Sometimes I'm the only woman, and I'm like, "No, because it's how I saw it. It's always about you remember that. It's what you can control is you, you cannot control anything outside of you." I saw it as something, "Oh my gosh, this is so unique. I've got all of these guys. I'm the only woman." Versus, "Oh my gosh, I'm the only woman." Instead of shrinking, it was more of like an expansion.
Also instead of seeing men as these vicious, business-minded and these, no, I saw them as my brothers, and I'm like, "Oh my god, tell me a little more your family." Even men, just think of them, they were little boys at one point, and they all have their own struggles, have their own challenges and don't see them as like as against you, but with you, or always about perspective. That's how I look at it, is always what you see. Then seeing the good instead of seeing the bad in everything.
Vitina: Yes, it's looking through a lens of love.
Tahani: It's looking through the lens of love and the lens of the good instead of just only the bad, yes, exactly.
Vitina: I know. Our brain has this tendency to always want to focus on the negative, and it's a constant practice to really focus on the positive and the good in situations and-
Tahani: Yes. It's always about just adding value. That's what I want the ladies to think. I wanted to share also something too that I was just thinking, when I told you I want to start helping women, and I thought to myself, "I am willing to do an event for women and even if one woman shows up, then I will still do it even if it's costing me money, I'm okay with it." Because remember that, that's for the group that thinking, "Where do you start? Where do you start?" Especially if you don't have money and you're insisting on making a lot of money. I thought to myself, "Where do I start?" I thought to myself, "If I can only help one woman." I was never ever, ever, ever be thinking about just only the money part. I'm thinking, even if I pay for it, just like, if you got your first client even if you pay for it, it's still a learning lesson.
I said, "I'm going to do a conference, and if you women show up, I'm fine." I was hoping for 20, 25. Well, lo and behold, it ended up being 100 women, and more women start showing up at the door. That was the first conference, the first of its kind in North America that is only specifically for women, Females In Real Estate. Just a conference for women to learn about real estate investing and increasing and leveraging their wealth with real estate. Well, this year, not only we're doubling, it looks like we're close to tripling, if not even quadruple that number. Again, sometimes all you have to do is give from the heart and then you never know what comes back at you, and provide value and then see what happens.
Vitina: Your expectations were beyond exceeded.
Tahani: Even the podcast, if I may say so, even the podcast. I did a podcast, and I'm so challenged with technical stuff like I can only turn on and off computers, that's it, but still it was learning lessons for me to do the podcast, and I was hoping to be one of the top 100 in real estate. Real estate investing is a subcategory of real estate, and it's a subcategory of business. While the first season FIRE Podcast made the top three in all business categories.
Vitina: Tahani, you're just such an inspiration, and I know you do all of this from such a heart-centred place. Where can people find you and more about the FIRE conference?
Tahani: Oh, thank you. The FIRE Conference, just go to femalesinrealestate.com, and it will give-- it will have a lot of information there. The podcast, if they just want to learn, again, if they don't have money, and they can't spend $200 to come to the FIRE Conference, they can just learn for free with the podcast. The FIRE podcast is up there. Also, I have a Facebook group. It's by invite-only. They can as well be part of that Facebook group because I share a lot of videos and information that they don't have to pay for.
Vitina: Wow. Tahani, you're just adding so much value into the world, and this is something for entrepreneurs, creatives, people who are running their business to really take note of, and, Tahani also does attract a lot of abundance. There is that intersection of what you love, how you're providing value and creating a business and that intersection of where they all meet. Tahani, do you have any closing words, one piece of advice that you would recommend to the people that are listening today?
Tahani: Yes, it's exactly what we started with. Which is my dad instilled in me that, "You are capable of doing anything and achieving anything." Absolutely all women are capable of that, no matter where you're at on this journey. You just have to believe that. You just go out there and do a little bit at a time and you would get there. Absolutely. Surrounding yourself is very important also with the right people, and creating a community. That's what we're doing here as well. Yes.
Vitina: Tahani, thank you so much for joining us today.